jemila modesti
Istanbul, KADIKOY Turkey
ON HOLIDAYS FROM THE 14 UNTIL THE 22ND OF SEPTEMBER! As an Artist I find I must re-invent myself over and over again and to be completely honest, it's never easy, maybe because I am plagued with self doubt and self deprecation. I feel as if my... More
Artist Statement:
ON HOLIDAYS FROM THE 14 UNTIL THE 22ND OF SEPTEMBER!
As an Artist I find I must re-invent myself over and over again and to be completely honest, it's never easy, maybe because I am plagued with self doubt and self deprecation.
I feel as if my "Art" is a living, breathing entity. As such, I sometimes argue with it, I sometimes hate it. it's almost like one of those bad relationships some people seem to have, no matter how much they
argue or cannot stand each other, they never seem to be able to completely let go of one another.
I have done my fair share of exhibitions, and I have been working on my art as a profession, a calling, a curse since 2003.
In 2010 I lost my mom, who was my mentor and my rock, it took every single ounce of energy I had in my body to continue forward. She never did get to see my first exhibition, but I know she'd have
been proud.
I struggled through the next two years, managed and exhibition in New York and London. Alas somewhere along the line I lost myself.
My "Art" and I drifted apart, but it wasn't an easy break-up, some days it hurt so bad I couldn't breathe, but I couldn't paint either. This wasn't painters block, this was something else, something so overwhelming I couldn't fight it, it covered me, it clouded me, it was so pervasive it left me empty and drained.
I had lost my newly acquired identity as a painter, I had just started to feel I was on the way to really finding my style, my brush strokes, when I was left breathless and unable to paint.
I didn't touch a brush for nearly two years, hell, not even a pencil, nothing that would remind me that, "I was an artist" I tortured myself looking at the beautiful, strong works of many of my contemporaries, feeling always as if: they "knew" something that I didn't.
Somehow, because of the world we live in, we are taught that our work only has value if it is measured in money, mine had none. Therefore, I had no value.
As the years have gone by, and a lot of thinking, arguing, being angry, sad, frustrated with myself and my art, I have found my way back to it, and it to me.
Here I faced a new challenge, who was I now as an Artist? where to start? I knew I couldn't just pick up where I had left off, it was not going to be possible, neither of us was the same, we had both overcome so much.
I began to question art, and my perception of it. I didn't have a classical training, I worked in Ateliers and endless hours by myself and I read, I realized that whilst doing this I had set up a certain amount of rules, what is "allowed" and what isn't, by doing so I had hindered my growth as an Artist.
It was only when I watched an interview of the Master Gerhard Richter talking about his works, his abstracts and realist works that I realize that this was possible. Somehow I had always felt that you HAD to be one or the other, not "choosing" between them would make you immature an artist, one of the many Don'ts of art.
Through the years I had been waiting for my art to develop and morph into what it would become, and my work would define itself, but it didn't. I had expected it to be a natural transition.
Nobody teaches you how to be an Artist, you are taught painting techniques, ideas, etc. Yet nobody teaches you what it is to be an Artist, probably it isn't possible to do so.
The fact that I have lived a very solitary life as an Artist, I have never given myself the chance to explore the world from other artist's point of view is part of what has gotten me to this precise moment of my life. Here I am 35 years old finding that I need to re-invent myself once more.
I was asked to write an "Artist Statement" many years ago, I didn't know what to write, I managed something, but it was forced.
I always felt that art needn't be explained, I still believe so. Art is Art, it moves you, touches you, revolts you, as long as it evokes something, Art is doing its job.
I guess this is my brand new "Artist Statement" which is about explaining myself to you, as a painter, a dabbler, someone who without art feels that my life makes no sense, has no meaning, even if it is not rewarded financially, it is something, I am doing something, not for posterity, not for the world, but for me, a declaration "I exist, I am".
As an Artist I find I must re-invent myself over and over again and to be completely honest, it's never easy, maybe because I am plagued with self doubt and self deprecation.
I feel as if my "Art" is a living, breathing entity. As such, I sometimes argue with it, I sometimes hate it. it's almost like one of those bad relationships some people seem to have, no matter how much they
argue or cannot stand each other, they never seem to be able to completely let go of one another.
I have done my fair share of exhibitions, and I have been working on my art as a profession, a calling, a curse since 2003.
In 2010 I lost my mom, who was my mentor and my rock, it took every single ounce of energy I had in my body to continue forward. She never did get to see my first exhibition, but I know she'd have
been proud.
I struggled through the next two years, managed and exhibition in New York and London. Alas somewhere along the line I lost myself.
My "Art" and I drifted apart, but it wasn't an easy break-up, some days it hurt so bad I couldn't breathe, but I couldn't paint either. This wasn't painters block, this was something else, something so overwhelming I couldn't fight it, it covered me, it clouded me, it was so pervasive it left me empty and drained.
I had lost my newly acquired identity as a painter, I had just started to feel I was on the way to really finding my style, my brush strokes, when I was left breathless and unable to paint.
I didn't touch a brush for nearly two years, hell, not even a pencil, nothing that would remind me that, "I was an artist" I tortured myself looking at the beautiful, strong works of many of my contemporaries, feeling always as if: they "knew" something that I didn't.
Somehow, because of the world we live in, we are taught that our work only has value if it is measured in money, mine had none. Therefore, I had no value.
As the years have gone by, and a lot of thinking, arguing, being angry, sad, frustrated with myself and my art, I have found my way back to it, and it to me.
Here I faced a new challenge, who was I now as an Artist? where to start? I knew I couldn't just pick up where I had left off, it was not going to be possible, neither of us was the same, we had both overcome so much.
I began to question art, and my perception of it. I didn't have a classical training, I worked in Ateliers and endless hours by myself and I read, I realized that whilst doing this I had set up a certain amount of rules, what is "allowed" and what isn't, by doing so I had hindered my growth as an Artist.
It was only when I watched an interview of the Master Gerhard Richter talking about his works, his abstracts and realist works that I realize that this was possible. Somehow I had always felt that you HAD to be one or the other, not "choosing" between them would make you immature an artist, one of the many Don'ts of art.
Through the years I had been waiting for my art to develop and morph into what it would become, and my work would define itself, but it didn't. I had expected it to be a natural transition.
Nobody teaches you how to be an Artist, you are taught painting techniques, ideas, etc. Yet nobody teaches you what it is to be an Artist, probably it isn't possible to do so.
The fact that I have lived a very solitary life as an Artist, I have never given myself the chance to explore the world from other artist's point of view is part of what has gotten me to this precise moment of my life. Here I am 35 years old finding that I need to re-invent myself once more.
I was asked to write an "Artist Statement" many years ago, I didn't know what to write, I managed something, but it was forced.
I always felt that art needn't be explained, I still believe so. Art is Art, it moves you, touches you, revolts you, as long as it evokes something, Art is doing its job.
I guess this is my brand new "Artist Statement" which is about explaining myself to you, as a painter, a dabbler, someone who without art feels that my life makes no sense, has no meaning, even if it is not rewarded financially, it is something, I am doing something, not for posterity, not for the world, but for me, a declaration "I exist, I am".
Exhibitions:
2012: "Art in Mind" The Brick lane Gallery 196 Brick Ln, London E1 6SA, United Kingdom http://www.thebricklanegallery.com/
2012: CÆLUM GALLERY 508-526 W 26th St. Suite 315, New York, USA www.caelumgallery.com
2011: La Vista, Punta del Este, Uruguay. http://www.espaciotorreon.com/
2010/11: Galeria Manzione, La Barra de Maldonado, Uruguay.
2010/11: Galeria Manzione, Punta del Este, Uruguay.
2010: Art Road 4/7 November, Buenos Aires, Argentina. http://www.artroad.com.ar/home.html
2010: Gallery Nights 18/29 October, Buenos Aires, Argentina. http://www.imaginarioartelg.com.ar/
2012: CÆLUM GALLERY 508-526 W 26th St. Suite 315, New York, USA www.caelumgallery.com
2011: La Vista, Punta del Este, Uruguay. http://www.espaciotorreon.com/
2010/11: Galeria Manzione, La Barra de Maldonado, Uruguay.
2010/11: Galeria Manzione, Punta del Este, Uruguay.
2010: Art Road 4/7 November, Buenos Aires, Argentina. http://www.artroad.com.ar/home.html
2010: Gallery Nights 18/29 October, Buenos Aires, Argentina. http://www.imaginarioartelg.com.ar/
Artist Tags:
abstract, blue, colorful, feeling
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